We had to make our decision to move to Sweden within 24 hours, and part of me hopes that the actual move would have been a shotgun move as well. There is nothing worse than waiting, and moving forward slowly and not knowing what comes ahead. The uncertain times still continue, and truth to be told, it has been tough, especially after my husband left.

I’ve tortured my friends with updates like “we didn’t get the house we wanted, will be homeless in Sweden soon”, and complained how hard it is to leave the US, or how sad it is to give away our dog and how people who say they’ll buy your things from Craig’s List don’t show up, and how it breaks my heart to see my kids’ friends and teachers hosting them farewell parties and how much I know they will be missed and they will miss their friends.

Part of me feels like I have to dwell on the bad parts of this move too. I have to carpe the shit out of diem of the crappy days too – or how else the good moments ever felt so good, if tough times weren’t meant to feel tough too?

It’s OK if it’s tough

My mother-in-law said to me (halfly joking, I hope) that part of her is happy that we are having rough time moving out of the US, because it sure is hard for her to see us go. And I get it. We are super excited about the move, can’t wait to live in Europe, and every day I see so many things around me that make me think “thank God we are moving to Sweden.” But how would people around me feel, if I mentioned these all the time? I think it is important for our family and friends to see too the real struggles we go through too, and the reality without sugarcoating it.

We talk about things we will miss and things we won’t miss with the kids all the time. I tell them more about Europe, they are too young to remember much from when we lived there and have visited the last times. I want them soak every single thing they love about Beacon, New York, were we live, and I want them to remember the things we don’t like here either. I’ve learned so much about my children this way. If we had only focused on the positive sides and how wonderful everything will be, I would have missed a huge opportunity to teach my children about life, and I would have missed an opportunity to get to know them better.

The things we won’t miss…

In one of the pictures my youngest drew was a Walmart with its big parking lot, and McDonalds on the other side, a sushi restaurant on the other side. The Walmart and the McDonalds parking lots were empty and the sushi restaurants parking lot was full. I asked what he thought when we drew the picture, he said “I don’t like McDonalds and Walmart, and maybe other people will learn to like the sushi place more too.” It reminded me of the lunch date in the school cafeteria earlier this school year with him. It was the lunch with parents day, and I had brought in a healthy lunch for him, and the parent sitting in the same table had brought a Happy Meal for her child. The principal of the school walks by and says “lucky you, you got a Happy Meal” for the kid with french fries, soda and chicken nuggets. My son’s face was stunned. How could the principle say “lucky you,” didn’t she know McDonalds food was unhealthy? My then 8-year old whispered to me he was the lucky one to get the healthy lunch and gave me a hug.

I understand that many things frustrate the kids too, and I know they will flourish in Europe. I know this is the right decision for our family. But still, knowing all this, it’s still not easy to hug your best friends, say good byes, get rid of everything you own, give away your dog and pack up and go.

Living in the moment

I don’t allow myself to think that a week from today I will be on our stopover in Iceland soaking my tired mind and body in Blue Lagoon hot springs. It will be amazing journey. But now, I still have to scrub a New York apartment, say farewell for our family pet who can’t come to Sweden with us, sell my car and pack everything. And I am taking every moment in as it comes.

Are we just trying to Keep Up with the Joneses?

Is it true that in our society “Keeping up with the Joneses” has become more important than happiness?

If you think of your goals, dreams, and wants for your life, does your list include items that simply make you happier, make you feel you are living life to the fullest or make you feel that you are growing as a person? Or does your list include items that will improve your standing in the social ladder, makes a great story to tell your friends, or is something great to show off your co-workers?

Are you truly living the life you want – or simply trying to keep up with the Joneses?

I would love to say that I’m purely living life to myself and my family, and the outsider opinions or views of what people think of me don’t apply or matter. But I can’t. I admit, it’s difficult. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, especially when we are on the edge of moving and are doing things in an unorthodox way.

“Keeping Up” Weighs You Down

One of the things I realized as I have been getting rid of stuff – the stuff doesn’t even make me happy. I think shopping makes me happy sometimes, I love looking at things, and I was a very good personal shopper for a few years finding people exactly what they wanted. I even love online shopping and looking at things. But actually owning things, it doesn’t really make me feel happy. Experiencing things, going to places, and seeing things makes me more happy.

When we first started a family, we had much more… we bought our first house, and even once built a house.. I think when we were young and we didn’t have many things, we thought having more would make us happy. You know, you’d feel “accomplished” and that owning stuff would make you feel and look “well lived”. Now at the ripe age of 36 I disagree.

A life with lots of stuff makes me feel that the stuff weighs me down, and attaches me to an address like an anchor weighing me down. It is physically not easy to be open for new opportunities when you have a lot of things you own. Ironically it’s more difficult to even keep up with the Joneses and move to a better neighborhood in your own town when you have a lot of stuff.

I can’t believe how freeing it has been to manage this move to Sweden with no regrets of getting rid of almost everything we owned. I may not be doing well with keeping up with the Joneses, and I’m now on the bottom step of the society cast ladder when it comes to owning shiny things, but it sure feels good to be free as a bird.

A moment in my life…

Today was freezing in New York. The wind was brutal, and all I wanted to do the entire day was to stay home and sit by the fireplace and drink hot tea. And most of the day I did, until I had to get out to pick up kids from school.

I felt useless and that I hadn’t accomplished as much as I had wanted to (I actually did: I booked our flights to Sweden, it’s official: we have a moving date!) and was cranky for kids too, just simply because I felt bad about myself.

What was happening to me? The feelings of happiness of moving but sadness of leaving were driving me crazy, and the lack of sleep and the long moving to-do list were getting to me. And as you can read from this post – I may be really losing it.

I felt like blogging this moment in my life – and maybe you too are inspired to do a small thing – that can be a big thing.

It’s Just Coffee

Kids were starving and tired, but we stopped at the small local grocery store on the way home.

“I’m tired.”
“I’m cold.”
“I don’t want to go to store, can’t I just have a sandwich for dinner?”

As we were walking towards the store, we noticed two young men collecting money and giving out pamphlets.

“We are from “Transforming Men to Transform the World”, it’s a Christian organization helping men to transform their lives, we help drug addicts and others to find a better lifestyle.”

Or he said something like this, all I heard was “Christian” and that they “help people to get a new lifestyle” and yadda yadda yadda. It would have been easy to walk by and hush my kids to the store, we were all freezing outside, but then I looked at one of the young men in the eyes. I could see how sincerely he wanted to help someone, and I could believe that he in fact was doing his small or big part of transforming someone’s life, and making a difference. Maybe he was just brainwashed by a Christian cult for all I could know, but I felt his sincerity.

“How long have you been standing here in the cold today?” I asked.

“Since nine o’clock on the morning” he said.

It was four o’clock on the afternoon.

“Holy crap!”

Oops, maybe “holy crap” wasn’t the right choice of the words and I’m sure I offended them and was a bad example for my kids, and yadda yadda yadda, but it slipped out of my mouth. And it really felt craptastically cold, my hands were freezing and I only walked from the warm car to the store front!

“Has anyone brought you coffee or anything else warm to drink?”

“No, but we don’t need anything, God is keeping us warm.”

As we entered the store, I could have easily brushed off that conversation of my mind, but it made me think.

How come someone can have such a strong belief that he feels warm inside even in the freezing weather?

Was it God really doing it? But if God was doing it – why in the world didn’t He control the weather a bit better today for those poor guys standing outside? What was God trying to tell them? Test their faith? Well, I think I’d say they passed it.

Then I had a thought – maybe God was trying to send me a message, maybe I should be the one taking those men hot coffee. Maybe I should do more what I know is the right thing to do, and what I deep in my heart want to do.

The kids and I talked about the men trying to help others, and how cold they must be outside, and after leaving the store, we all wanted to get them coffee. We left our car in the parking lot and walked to a close by bakery coffee shop. We could have driven, but I don’t think we would have felt the same way. I wanted to feel the cold wind on my cheeks, and on the kids’ cheeks, and I wanted us to feel the contrast of the warmth of the coffee as we carried them back to the grocery store parking lot.

As soon as we entered the parking lot and the young men saw us, my daughter had this biggest smile on her face.
She was so happy and so proud what we had just done.

It was just coffee and fresh croissants, but I hope it felt much more for the young men receiving them, because it felt much more to us.

“Thank you so much, you didn’t have to do this,” he said.

“I didn’t do it. This is how God is keeping you warm,” I said.

Tell your story – how are you helping people around you? If you have blogged about it, please leave a link!

Carpe or not to carpe

A friend of mine shared with me a blog post, what she called “anti-Katja” (or anti-skimbaco) post written by Glennon of Momastery titled “2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem”, and I agree, the entire thought of trying not to seize the day just doesn’t go well with me.

In Glennon’s post she is annoyed by those older women who come to us in the grocery store and look at us with our herd of children and say annoying things like “enjoy every moment of it,” and how time goes so fast, and how wonderful the time was when her kids were young.

Every moment can’t be a happy moment

And I get it.
We do feel like punching that older lady in the face, because it’s past dinner time, and we are just now trying to scramble some dinner fixings from the store, the kids’ homework isn’t done, and one of them is feeling sick and will most likely throw up in the car before we make it back home.
And I’m supposed to what…? Enjoy every moment of this..? Carpe diem?
I get the annoyance, and I get that life is hard and every moment can’t be a happy moment.
But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to seize the moment and more precisely: pay attention.

I agree with many things with the writer, especially agree with the annoyance of people who always find the silver lining in everything, and who think we should be happy perfect mothers who love every minute of mothering every minute of every day. At the same time, I’m the master of finding a silver lining in everything if I want to, but I also can’t stand those people who are standing in the biggest shit storm of their lives and keep smiling trying to tell how they actually like the smell of poop.

Why not Seize the Shit?

There is absolutely nothing wrong about seizing the moment as it is when things are not perfect, and I think this is the biggest misconception people have.

Misconception of trying to be happy and perfect all the time.
Misconception that happy life doesn’t include any pain.
Misconception of not seizing the misfortunes or pain of life.

The writer looks for good fleeting happy moments in life what she calls “Kairos time,” happy time, “those magical moments in which time stands still.” You know those moments, moments of short bliss, which we can’t even remember what they were on the end of the day, but we can happily put our heads on our pillows and be thankful for life and that we had those blissful moments in our day. The rest of her life she calls “Chronos” and describes it as the regular time, “the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.”

Seize some Skimbaco Time

I believe we are able to find an additional time in our life, called Skimbaco.

Not your regular time of nothing special is going on, and not your moment of fleeing bliss, but a time when you take control of your life, and you seize the moment as what it is, good or bad.
It is deciding that you enjoy what ever life has given you for that moment, taking it in and living in the moment.
It is learning from that moment how you can grow as a person, how you can use this moment as a future reference for something even better.
It is living life to the fullest.

Take a mental picture of the good time in life to keep it going that way – or to remember it later.
You will not just have a short moment of bliss, but a mental rush, and happiness of truly enjoying life as it is.

Take a mental picture and notes from the bad time in your life to learn from it, to remember it when you are living your “Chronos” time to appreciate the everyday grind more, to motivate you to make the boring extraordinary, to give you a sense of accomplishment once you have gone through the tough time.

The only way to live Skimbaco lifestyle is to seize the days of your life, not to let the daily routine, not-that-happy life to become “this is what it is and I’m supposed to enjoy every minute of it”, but to guide you to build a life(style) that you truly feel you are living life to the fullest. I know that sometimes when things are tough, illusion is needed, and silver lining might be the only thing we have, but if we let the silver linings of life become the new bliss, we are making the biggest injustice to ourselves – we are denying ultimate happiness and we are denying Skimbaco, living life to the fullest, from ourselves.

Don’t Settle for Silver Lining

I grew up in a home where I was taught to always look for the silver lining. When my leg was broken and I couldn’t walk, I was encouraged to be happy that it was only temporary, at least I could one day walk again. I was always taught to look at the bright side.

And I do, don’t take me wrong, I still do. But it took me a long time to realize that there is no shame that shit happens in life, and that we should hold our heads high even when that happens and seize it, not try to hide it by always finding a silver lining. I‘m afraid I’d eventually settle for unhappy life, just because I was able to find enough many silver linings in it. I much rather have difficulties in life so I can learn from them, and that I will constantly move towards better life balance of more Skimbaco in my life, and finding what my Skimbaco could look like and how it evolves with me.

To me living in a constant “chronos” ending every day with a thought “I made it through” and only finding a few moments of bliss would be settling. I will not settle for “finding a silver lining” in everyday, I rather dwell in the shittiest moments of my life until they force me to change my life in a way that moments of bliss have turned into living life to the fullest every day. It’s not easy, nor fast, and you have to have guts to seize the worst of life to truly appreciate the better times, and really know why you work hard not to live in a routine but you want to make your life extraordinary. Thus I feel like carpeing the shit out of diem isn’t for sissies. You need guts to go through hell in life and seize every minute of it. I think that’s part of growing as a human and part of finding what living life to the fullest means to you.

A moment in my life…

As I drove away from JFK trying to blink my eyes as fast as I could so I could see the traffic signs from my tears, and pretend for the children’s sake that I wasn’t crying, I couldn’t help by thinking my life once again felt like a movie scene from a Nicholas Sparks novel made into a movie.

We said our goodbyes to my husband at the airport as he already headed to Sweden, and the reality of the entire move hit all of us.
We are really doing this.
We are really moving to Sweden, and little by little, every uncertain thing about this move is revealing an answer and showing green light for go.

I don’t know which one made me want to cry more, the thought of not seeing my husband for a few weeks, or the sound and sight of our children crying on the backseat.

Nomadic life with children can be easy but yesterday was not one of the easiest days. Ever since we talked to kids about the possibility of moving to Sweden they have been adjusting to the idea and getting ready, packing and talking about the move, and I’ve thought how ready they are and I’ve been so proud of them. But yesterday I realized, we still have a lot to do. We have been preparing without really letting go of the everyday life here. And we can’t not truly leave until we have let go.

One thing we did to start taking steps away from life here. We didn’t take kids to school on Friday, and wanted to spend the day together as a family.

You have to understand; you can not pull off this kind of move if the family unit isn’t solid, if we are not there for each others and if we are not doing this together. While we have been busy managing the move, we have also been very strict about keeping the family dinners going, spending relaxing time together, and talking about everything else in life too than just about Sweden and this move. I like to think this nomadic lifestyle has actually made our family unit tighter than most families are. We are used to not having a support group around us and just leaning on each others. And having our family unit break with my husband already leaving for Sweden was tougher than I had expected.

We, too, might have to say farewell to New York and our life in the US sooner than I thought of and this slow transition might not be working for us and we might just have to jump to it, like ripping a bandage off fast, it hurts like hell first, but then it’s done.

Farewells are tough, but I’m taking every moment in and imprinting them in my heart, because life’s good moments would never feel so good if there weren’t moments like this.

Most popular blog posts of 2011

What did Skimbaco Lifestyle readers enjoy reading in 2011? Here is a short overview of some of the most read posts of 2011.

MOST POPULAR LIFESTYLE POSTS

Is my husband cheating on me? I read the signs to find out! It’s a thought-provoking post and many didn’t understand that I actually never thought my husband was cheating on me. I hope it makes you think that you too can find many answers from within.

Inspirational quote from Steve Jobs: Don’t waste your time living someone else’s life We lost a great innovator this year, and his inspiration keeps guiding us.

Inspirational quote: Integrity is… This integrity post also really hit home for many of you and it is another popular one.

Blogging as a Lifestyle Choice This post also made many think blogging differently – and hopefully your own life, even if you don’t blog. We often feel we have to do like others do, well, we don’t.

MOST POPULAR FASHION POSTS

Missoni for Target – See the Clothing & Accessories Photos This was the second most read post of the year! Did you buy anything from the collection..?

DIY “Home Couture” Halloween Spider Witch Costume I am thankful that so many liked the Halloween costume we did together with my tween, and a careful question – would you like more posts like this..? I am crafty, I just don’t show that part of me here often.

How to Save 70% on Coach Factory Sale I hope I was able to help many of you to save money on your Coach accessories!

Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony Collection at KOHL’S I have to say, the Marc Anthony collection is awesome, and no wonder this was one of the top googled posts.

Girls’ Night In Outfit Ideas We did a cool Twitter party for Redbook magazine with the Girls’ Night In theme and this post was one of your favorites and me too – I love the outfit ideas!

MOST POPULAR PERSONAL POSTS

I quit my job and am starting something new The year before I felt I wasn’t living life to the fullest and started the year by quitting my job & going back to truly living Skimbaco lifestyle. I did start new things… but mainly I focused on finding happiness and balance. And I did.

The phone call you never expect to receive This post is about how I found out we are moving to Sweden. We made the decision in a matter of minutes and were ready to go. Because that’s how we live life to the fullest.

MOST POPULAR RANDOM POSTS

Angry Birds Headquarters in Finland It was a rare opportunity to meet the inventor of Angry Birds game, and no wonder you wanted to read all about it!

Why are O.B. tampons sorry? I rarely write about marketing here, even though it is one of my passions.. but this post I made it personal and sort of funny. And you liked it..? Numbers don’t lie, this is one of the most read posts of the year.

Finnish Education Is the best and American Sucks? Not so fast I felt brave and voiced my opinion about education system and many of you liked the frank way I approached it. I loved writing this post – do you want to hear more what I really think..? I have opinions, often I’m just afraid to voice them all.

2012 Mercedes-Benz M-Class – Luxury SUV for Living Life to the Fullest I liked the Mercedes too, but you really liked it, and this was the most popular what I could call “a product review” post, which I rarely even write. Would you like to hear my opinion of cars or other products more often?

MOST POPULAR GUEST WRITER/CONTRIBUTING WRITER POSTS

7 Keys To Happiness Because it’s an awesome post, and who wouldn’t want to be happier? (Read it)
How to Dress Up a white Hanes tee Every wardrobe must have: a white Hanes tee – because you can dress it up in so many ways!
25 Bloggers Share their Best Girlfriend Tips I wrote this together with 25 of my girlfriends, and I loved it too!!!

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE?

I would love to hear what has been your favorite post to read so far, and what kind of posts you enjoy reading.
And please subscribe to my blog via email so you can get it easily delivered to your inbox. And you know, you subscribing would just make me so happy.

Did you notice..? I took a little unannounced blogging break. I think you took a little break too and spent some time with family.

Truth to be told, this entire beginning of the winter has been sort of crazy, ever since we found out we are moving to Sweden, and I have been trying to do even more things at the same time as usual. I have been been busy getting rid of everything we own, packing and rethinking my work life as I know it. Some of it has been easy, some of it not so much. The worst part is probably the things that are still open – we don’t have a moving date yet, and it makes it very difficult to plan and do things.

One good thing is already certain – I can keep working virtually in the US while living in Sweden. Go figure, USA is one of the only countries in the world that will tax its citizens even if they live outside the country, and they can keep working even if they don’t reside in the country anymore. This information was a huge relief for me – my work will not be as affected as I thought it would be, and I am ready for all virtual opportunities 2012 may bring.

(Picture taken in Stockholm when I visited there last time in 2010).

Sweden, we are ready for you, I hope Sweden will be ready for us soon too.

All of our children will have Finnish citizenship, so it hopefully will make our life in Europe easier. It has taken numerous hours of work and many hundred dollar bills to make all of the paperwork happen, and we are still waiting for one renewed passport to arrive and one more citizenship to be confirmed and we are all set. You never remember how much paperwork is needed when you move out of the country, and what all things should be considered. Also, it doesn’t make it easier that we are now dealing with both American and Finnish officials – and we have barely started our paperwork with the Swedish yet – that will come after we move in the country.

So pardon me – the Skimbaco journey has been and probably will continue to be on and off as our family of five is trying to make this move from New York to Stockholm. But this is what Skimbaco Lifestyle is all about – living in the moment, and exploring world, one place at the time.

We visited family in Texas during the Holidays, and got to see our extended family and friends, and eat our bellies full of Southern comfort food (I had my first ever fried pork chop, who knew you could even get pork chops fried?) and Tex-Mex (Chuy’s and Pappasitos, hello!).

It was a bitter sweet trip.. It was so wonderful to see family, and kids had a chance to see their second cousins shortly, and we saw grandparents and great-grandmother and visited the Presnal family ranch and saw the horses and enjoyed spending time with the family and what Texas is all about. But we couldn’t help but think the upcoming move to Europe, and the missed opportunities in the past and in the future of not spending enough time with the large family we have in Texas. While we love our nomadic lifestyle; the gypsy-style moving around, traveling and experiencing life like not many get to do, it does come with missed opportunities to spend time with family. It especially gets tricky when our families are on the other sides of the world, my husband’s in Texas, and mine in Finland.

For a few days, we enjoyed our family time in Texas and said our farewells to many loved ones as we are once again moving out of the country. Some of the distant family we had seen the last time on a family celebration of us moving back to the US, ten years ago. Time goes fast, and this trip was a grand reminder of that.

To me it doesn’t feel like Christmas without snow and cold, but there still isn’t snow in New York, so it wasn’t like we missed out on an amazing winter wonderland. In fact, we visited Santa’s Wonderland in College Station, and it was cold as New York and the hot cocoa and the outdoor fireplace were spot on.

Kris gave a test ride for a mechanical bull, and we all took the hayride through the Christmas lights galore of the Santa’s Wonderland. I wasn’t too big of a fan of the lights parade and the overpowering amount of Christmas lights seemed too Las Vegas to me, but I loved the Santa’s village, Texas style. Well, I liked the Texan village of cowboy hat stores, S’mores and hot dogs by the outdoor fireplace, country music playing and the true Western experience. To me it had very little to do with Christmas, there were no reindeer sightings nor rice porridge, but it was great to experience Christmas, the Texas way.

The best of it all – to spend time with loved ones, who make even me feel like Texas is home, even though I haven’t lived there for more than a few months.

Merry Christmas!!

Our multicultural and traveling family’s Holiday traditions are somewhat odd. We cook both American and Finnish Christmas dinner, and since it’s a lot of cooking, we pace them out, and often celebrate Christmas on different dates than what the calendar says. When I was growing up, we never traveled anywhere during Christmas, and I loved my holidays at home, but in the recent years, we have started traveling during Christmas break as well. Now when kids are getting older, and they can’t take that many days off school during the school year, you kind of have to travel during Christmas break if you want to get some traveling done!

We celebrated our American Christmas last weekend, and we cooked Finnish Christmas dinner on Friday.. Christmas Eve we spent eating leftovers and packing for your trip to Texas. We are visiting family in Texas for the last time before our move to Sweden. Figure this… nobody wants to fly on 25th or 31st of December, and choosing those as our traveling dates saved over $200 per flight ticket! Our originally planned short long weekend trip turned into a longer one, and we can’t wait to spend some time with friends and family in Texas.

Hope your Holidays have been as wonderful as mine so far and you have enjoyed your time with your loved ones.

Merry Christmas!

After the initial shock when we told our children we are moving to Sweden, they immediately knew what to do. They know the drill, and they started getting ready for move sooner than we did. We still had our everyday work to go to, clients to take care of, blog posts to write. Life didn’t and couldn’t change in an instant. While our children still had their school play to get ready for, homework to do and their everyday chores to take care of, they were able to get started with the physical process of moving immediately.

Start Traveling With Children When They Are Young – It Will Become a Second Nature

Children are so adaptive, or maybe it is just our children, the nomads of the world, who have been dragged around the world since they were mere weeks old, and who got passports under the age of two weeks and all traveled to other countries under the age of two months.

I always say to parents, don’t wait traveling with your children until they “get older and it gets easier”. No. It gets easier when they are older because they are used to it, not because they are older. Look at two adults, one who never travels and one who travels constantly – traveling is easier for the one with traveling experience, not for the one who is older.
Age doesn’t have anything to do with it.

A few days after we told our children about the move to Sweden I walk into their room and find an enormous mess.
Toys, clothes, books… everywhere.

Before I even say a word, my oldest daughter jumps in and says “I know, I know, it’s messy. But the plastic bags are things we are throwing away, the paper bags are filled with things we can donate or sell and the plastic bins and stuff still in the closet are things we want to keep”.

A few days ago this beautiful creature looked at me with her gorgeous eyes with a look that could have killed because she was so upset we were taking her away from New York. Today she is already organizing everything she and her sister and brother own and already packing for the move.
And we don’t even know when we are moving.
And I have barely even started yet.

Nomadic life with children can be easy. Because they learn to adapt, they learn to put things in perspective (and understand why we can not move that big Barbie house and they don’t even ask if they could) and they learn to prioritize and see what’s really important in life.