Today’s Gracious Me column is written by fabulous guest writer Lisa M Frame of A Daily Pinch and Mommyality.

Friendship has many different meanings to people. When I make a true friend, they are for life. I don’t discard friends, instead I treasure them as a precious jewel. Unfortunately, no matter how much you treasure your friends, it doesn’t mean they hold you in the same regard. It’s been a hard lesson to learn and one I’ve experienced recently.

It’s painful and leaves your heart as broken as if you had lost a lover. It’s hard to think about losing people so close to you, knowing they are out there and not part of your life. They might not even tell you they are leaving you. Just one day, they stop being there, leaving you alone. The phone doesn’t ring. The text messages stop. Sure, you get a one off email that says “I Love You” and they are thinking about you, but in your gut, you know.

That’s why I’m sharing this quote with you. I read this and took it to heart so much, I saved it on my computer as wallpaper. It’s a reminder of what being a friend means to me, as well as what I don’t want in friendships going forward.

However, I do know what I want to do going forward with my friendships:

I want to love my friends knowing they aren’t perfect. They have their own faults and flaws and I choose not to judge, but accept.

I want to set a good example not only for my son, but for my current friends and acquaintances.

I’m going to set boundaries. Sometimes, being a good friend is about saying no as much as it’s about saying yes. If my friends respect me, they will respect my boundaries.

I will disagree with my friends. Instead of worrying about their feelings, I will trust they respect my opinion enough to accept what I offer openly.

I will be graceful and find grace in the situation. Even if they end the friendship, I will not back away from my core values as a person to air negativity.

I will keep some things sacred and for me only. It’s better for everyone.

I will not put my friends on a pedestal.

I will communicate. When in doubt? I will ask.

I will respect my friends. If I wouldn’t want something done or said, would my friends?

I’ll minimize. If they have a hard time following my personal guidelines, then I will have to minimize face to face time. However, I wont’ walk away from them. I’ll explain why. Wouldn’t it be great if we could plug back in to energize? But, friendships don’t work that way. We have to have time away to charge our own batteries, so we don’t drain others.

Research has shown that a persons overall happiness can be directly correlated to successful relationships. It increases with based on their ability to have a strong relationship with other people. Which is something I agree with 100 percent.

What will you do to make your friendships stronger, yet have your boundaries respected?

Guest post by Lisa M Frame. Lisa M Frame is a over-achieving, under-organized Southern-Gal. Blogging since 2002, Lisa has developed a solid community on her sites A Daily Pinch and a
Mommyality. As a freelance writer and professional blogger Lisa has written on assignment for The Savvy Source, MomLogic, Intel’s My Life Scoop, and has been quoted by Forbes Woman and Parent Central Canada. She was part of the groundbreaking #Tweeta20 featured in the Chronicle of Philanthropy for social media fundraising, and is a featured blogger for Picaboo.com

I wrote a while ago how my husband and I have the “remember when..” talk regularly, but in general I live in the moment and don’t spend much time thinking the past. But Facebook has been such a great way to bring back old friends into our lives, and if nothing else, at least take a peek into someone’s life from your past.

I would like to introduce one of those people from my life to you.
Her name is Pauliina, and she was my best friend in high school.

I wanted to go to the most prestigious high school around my home, so I drove 20 miles in a bus everyday to attend it. The first day was sort of scary, I didn’t know anyone. Pauliina was the first person who spoke to me, and I we were friends ever since. We shared the same interests in fashion and design, and even for marketing and business. We were opinionated besserwissers and already building our resumes.

Thanks to Pauliina I studied more and got straight A’s just to be cool in her eyes. On her 18th birthday I threw a small house party at her home with a live band, but we wore cocktail dresses and drank Sambuca, not beer in jeans and tank tops. We excelled in math and languages, and during the weekends when other high school kids were at house parties, we dressed in little black dresses and sat in the lobby bars of fancy hotels listening to piano music and drinking Kahlúa. (legal drinking age in Finland is 18)

We both designed our own graduation dresses, and I think we both skipped the prom equivalent, because we were 19-year-olds going on 30. I moved to two hours away to Helsinki right after high school, Pauliina came a year later. I studied mechanical engineering, she studied business. We both worked with high fashion and PR already during college. We got married around the same time on the other sides of the world, and she visited me in Germany before we both got pregnant with our first babies (around the same time).

Fast forward to today. Now Pauliina owns a modern lifestyle store in the heart of Helsinki, has three children and a dog. Her home has been featured in design magazines, and her store in newspapers. She had a successful career as a communications consultant, and now she lives her life to the fullest as a store keeper in a store that makes many New York City’s stores pale in comparison. She sounds like an amazing woman, whom I really should know better today.

When I go back to Finland next time, hopefully I’ll have a chance to see her. And not (just) for the “remember when…” talk, but to know her better who she is today.

Picture from Pauliina’s store My O My.