Carpe or not to carpe

A friend of mine shared with me a blog post, what she called “anti-Katja” (or anti-skimbaco) post written by Glennon of Momastery titled “2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem”, and I agree, the entire thought of trying not to seize the day just doesn’t go well with me.

In Glennon’s post she is annoyed by those older women who come to us in the grocery store and look at us with our herd of children and say annoying things like “enjoy every moment of it,” and how time goes so fast, and how wonderful the time was when her kids were young.

Every moment can’t be a happy moment

And I get it.
We do feel like punching that older lady in the face, because it’s past dinner time, and we are just now trying to scramble some dinner fixings from the store, the kids’ homework isn’t done, and one of them is feeling sick and will most likely throw up in the car before we make it back home.
And I’m supposed to what…? Enjoy every moment of this..? Carpe diem?
I get the annoyance, and I get that life is hard and every moment can’t be a happy moment.
But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to seize the moment and more precisely: pay attention.

I agree with many things with the writer, especially agree with the annoyance of people who always find the silver lining in everything, and who think we should be happy perfect mothers who love every minute of mothering every minute of every day. At the same time, I’m the master of finding a silver lining in everything if I want to, but I also can’t stand those people who are standing in the biggest shit storm of their lives and keep smiling trying to tell how they actually like the smell of poop.

Why not Seize the Shit?

There is absolutely nothing wrong about seizing the moment as it is when things are not perfect, and I think this is the biggest misconception people have.

Misconception of trying to be happy and perfect all the time.
Misconception that happy life doesn’t include any pain.
Misconception of not seizing the misfortunes or pain of life.

The writer looks for good fleeting happy moments in life what she calls “Kairos time,” happy time, “those magical moments in which time stands still.” You know those moments, moments of short bliss, which we can’t even remember what they were on the end of the day, but we can happily put our heads on our pillows and be thankful for life and that we had those blissful moments in our day. The rest of her life she calls “Chronos” and describes it as the regular time, “the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.”

Seize some Skimbaco Time

I believe we are able to find an additional time in our life, called Skimbaco.

Not your regular time of nothing special is going on, and not your moment of fleeing bliss, but a time when you take control of your life, and you seize the moment as what it is, good or bad.
It is deciding that you enjoy what ever life has given you for that moment, taking it in and living in the moment.
It is learning from that moment how you can grow as a person, how you can use this moment as a future reference for something even better.
It is living life to the fullest.

Take a mental picture of the good time in life to keep it going that way – or to remember it later.
You will not just have a short moment of bliss, but a mental rush, and happiness of truly enjoying life as it is.

Take a mental picture and notes from the bad time in your life to learn from it, to remember it when you are living your “Chronos” time to appreciate the everyday grind more, to motivate you to make the boring extraordinary, to give you a sense of accomplishment once you have gone through the tough time.

The only way to live Skimbaco lifestyle is to seize the days of your life, not to let the daily routine, not-that-happy life to become “this is what it is and I’m supposed to enjoy every minute of it”, but to guide you to build a life(style) that you truly feel you are living life to the fullest. I know that sometimes when things are tough, illusion is needed, and silver lining might be the only thing we have, but if we let the silver linings of life become the new bliss, we are making the biggest injustice to ourselves – we are denying ultimate happiness and we are denying Skimbaco, living life to the fullest, from ourselves.

Don’t Settle for Silver Lining

I grew up in a home where I was taught to always look for the silver lining. When my leg was broken and I couldn’t walk, I was encouraged to be happy that it was only temporary, at least I could one day walk again. I was always taught to look at the bright side.

And I do, don’t take me wrong, I still do. But it took me a long time to realize that there is no shame that shit happens in life, and that we should hold our heads high even when that happens and seize it, not try to hide it by always finding a silver lining. I‘m afraid I’d eventually settle for unhappy life, just because I was able to find enough many silver linings in it. I much rather have difficulties in life so I can learn from them, and that I will constantly move towards better life balance of more Skimbaco in my life, and finding what my Skimbaco could look like and how it evolves with me.

To me living in a constant “chronos” ending every day with a thought “I made it through” and only finding a few moments of bliss would be settling. I will not settle for “finding a silver lining” in everyday, I rather dwell in the shittiest moments of my life until they force me to change my life in a way that moments of bliss have turned into living life to the fullest every day. It’s not easy, nor fast, and you have to have guts to seize the worst of life to truly appreciate the better times, and really know why you work hard not to live in a routine but you want to make your life extraordinary. Thus I feel like carpeing the shit out of diem isn’t for sissies. You need guts to go through hell in life and seize every minute of it. I think that’s part of growing as a human and part of finding what living life to the fullest means to you.

Ever wish you could just take a chill pill and instantly feel relaxed? Well, maybe you do… Mine is called “wine”.

I admit, there are days I’m looking for some miracle “pill” that will instantly transform my life or how I am feeling!

I think during the beginning of the year it’s always good to remind ourselves to chill out a bit, and not take life too seriously. It’s great to set up goals for the new year, make resolutions and all, but I think it’s equally important to remind yourself to chillax and to live life to the fullest. Take it easy, remember to enjoy life, laugh a little more and remember what really is important in life. On the other words take a chill pill and carpe the shit out of diem. That, and living healthier, looking prettier, losing weight and taking over Europe are my top 5 New Year’s resolutions.

Shop for fun non-medicated pills

I don’t do pills. If you know me, I’m better known for raising awareness for Motrin’s advertising hick ups than taking it for pain, and that even birth control pills get me pregnant. But I could make an exception to the rule, and take almost any one of these chill pills…

LOOK CHILL

Pill Necklace Pendant ($14.50/each) looks cool and “chill pill” makes a trendy statement.

Take a Chill Pill nail polish by Ginger + Liz ($12) makes your nails sparkle. And when your nails sparkle, you can’t help it but chill. You can’t take life too seriously with sparkly nails, and this is exactly what this doctor is prescribing you right now.

CHILLY DRINK

Fred Friends Chill Pill Silicone Ice Tray ($8.95) is great for when you want to share some chillaxing drinks with your friends too. I think one great New Year’s resolution would be “spend more time with friends and invite them over for chill drinks more often”.

Pill carafe ($7.95) is inexpensive yet it looks fantastic. Surround yourself with beautiful objects and serene environment and you will feel a bit more chill too. And when design costs under 10 bucks, well, that’s just too good to be true.

Jonathan Adler turquoise pill carafe ($48) is a bit more expensive but still affordable design. Hydration is important, so keep this by you and get some H20 during your day, and look and feel more chill than ever.

CHILL PILL ON THE GO

Chill Pill speakers are around 30 bucks and these speakers don’t just look cool, but they will make listening music anywhere with your laptop/iPhone/iPod/MP3 player etc. heck of a nicer experience. Because nothing makes you more chill than listening some of your favorite tunes.

Take A Chill Pill Gum ($4.99) is a must. You can’t help but smile when you pull this gum pack out of your purse. Also makes a great gift for the teenager in your life or your BFF with a sense of humor.

Chill Pill iPhone sleeve ($22.50) protects your iPhone and looks cool too in a fuzzy kind of way. Because nothing makes you more raged than breaking your phone. So protect it to keep your cool.

CHILL LOUNGE AT HOME

Ponteur Pillola Pill Lamps look great for chillax feeling in your home, but the price tag of $5,000 and up make me feel everything but chill. But if your allowance gets it, go for it. We already discussed about the importance of great design.

Chill Pill handmade soaps ($4.50 each) may not be design objects, but you nothing beats a little chill time when you lock yourself in the bathroom in your home and just have a little me time. May these soaps be a reminder that you need to equip your bathroom with pampering spa products to make it your ultimate chillaxing spot in your home.

Don’t drive yourself crazy.
Drive yourself to a coffee shop for another latte.

Do you have days that you feel like you are facing a problem that you just get over with? Or you are so excited that something great is happening soon and you feel like a kid on Halloween morning? Are you waiting on hearing some news, good or bad?

Good or bad, we sometimes drive ourselves crazy by obsessing on things.

Sometimes we are scared of something we know we need to go through, and sometimes we are so excited we can’t think of anything else. The worse is when we are waiting to even know (for example waiting to know bad news like if you need a surgery, or waiting to know good news like if you got the job) and drive ourselves crazy going through options in our heads. While I believe that planning a happy life is half of having a happy life, and you should always have plan B for everything, even if the plan B is “if Plan A will not happen, I have strength to figure out a Plan B when that time comes”, it is useless to drive yourself crazy with your thoughts and getting all worked up on things that you can not do anything about anymore. And if there is a case you CAN do something to make a difference, go do it, and stop just thinking about it.

The point of not driving yourself crazy and rather driving yourself to “a coffee shop” is that instead of being passive and just thinking and obsessing, take action to do something. Even if it is something simple just to take your mind away and force yourself to think about something else.

I have many creative people as my friends, and many other bloggers and writers and every single writer sometimes gets a writer’s block and don’t know what to write about. Usually this is one of those moments that “drive you crazy”! The best trick: walk away from the laptop, do something totally different, and once you stop thinking about how you can’t think of anything to write about and you actually do something – you will think of something to write about! This same applies to anything in life.

And while the “drive yourself to a coffee shop” was more of a metaphor… there is nothing wrong actually taking a break and doing just that. If you do, raise your latte for yourself and enjoy it!

In the spirit of our October Gracious Me series on tricks or treating, today we turn our Halloween eye to the art of the trick. The tricky thing about the “trick” is it seems harmless, when really it has the potential to not only harm our personal brand but those on the receiving end, see us as well.

Here are a few thoughts on taming that little thing called trickery…

Just a little white lie… What’s the harm? No one is getting hurt… I said, “I was sick” to coworkers when I wanted to meet a friend for a day of shopping and lunch. Too bad your coworkers have the same taste in restaurants that you and your friend do. The tricky thing about the little white lie is that it can easily snowball into a very dark cloud that is hard to shake. What seems harmless upfront can really affect peoples’ trust in who we are and what we have to say.

What they don’t know won’t hurt them… With all of the fun around social media, it can be easy to “little white lie” to improve our brand. Perhaps you want to be a “chicken roasting expert” but have never laid hands on the bird or you’ve been asked to write about green living but your garbage is over flowing with paper, plastic and glass. Bending the truth never hurt anyone…that is, until real life and social media intersect and now people no longer trust us even in the areas where we really are an expert. As my mother said, “honesty is always the best policy” even if it isn’t the most convenient… keep it real. Your readers will appreciate it.
Saving Face… So you’re running late, and tempted to blame it on traffic… even when traffic happened to be a “red light” or you forgot to call someone back and tempted to say your “husband didn’t give you the message.” As tempting as this little trick might be, own up to your error by apologizing and moving on.

So what can we do? As tricky as it can be, make a concerted effort to live a truly honest life. Catch ourselves when we are tempted even with the whitest of lies. Keep in mind that trust is a gift that others give us and once it’s tarnished with trickery… it’s very hard to get back.

How do you feel about a little trick now or then? Let’s discuss…

As a child, I was always told that if I work hard I could have a lot of money then I could be happy. It’s a simple proposition to life. If you do your work then you will have the money then you will be happy. What we find as we get older is that we work really hard, make a little money and then keep working for more. When do you get to be happy? When is it enough?

The truth is that we have been doing it backwards. This concept is discussed in Conversations with God and The Law of Attraction. Our reality is that work begets more work. Stress creates more stress. And, the ever elusive happiness is this distant shimmering goal we never quite reach. Even our language is predisposed to Do, Have, Be. We say things like pursuing happiness when happiness is not asking us to chase it. In Conversations with God, God says, “All states of mind reproduce themselves.” Working hard is not a state of mind of happiness but a feeling that you do not have enough. This is not to say that working hard is a bad thing but you always need to be mindful of the feelings fueling the work.

Our society is even scheduled with do, have and be. We are expected to work hard all our lives and have money saved up and then, when retired, we can be happy and relaxed. Being happy is not a realistic expectation for youth and is only reserved for those who are old and have done all they could. We even teach our children that they must behave to have their toys and then they can be happy. It’s insidious.

This is what we propose: Be happy. Do the things that happy people do. Have a wonderfully happy life.

Life is too short to be miserable at a job or waiting for retirement to be happy. It’s when we begin with the happiness that we continue to generate happiness. Therefore, feel good! BE HAPPY, NOW!

Guest post by Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier. Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier are the writers of CoupleDumb.com the relationship blog that covers everything from marriage to dating to parenting. They have a book called Dysaffirmations: Because This Kind Of Stupid Takes Work!. Lee is a professional psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in marriage, family and addiction therapies. Paul is a professional writer with degrees in AstroPhysics and an MBA. They have been married for 23 happy years and have three kids. Lee and Paul also do a web series and pod cast called Relationship Rehab where they take viewer/listener questions.

I’ve already seen a few snowy pictures from Colorado and my friends at Park City Mountain Resort are gearing up for the November 19th opening day. It’s starting to feel like ski season, and it’s definitely time to gear up and get ready if you are a skier like me.

But even if skiing or snowboarding isn’t for you… Please take time to watch these fun videos and get inspiration from these snowboarders how to live life to the fullest and read what we can learn from snowboarders.

Have Fun & Love What You Do Do What You Love

Are you one of those people who love saying TGIF on every single Friday?
Wait for the weekend and for a break?
Or are you one of those people who are excited it’s Monday and your week is starting?
Are you spending more time “working” or “having fun”?

Find your snowboarding. Find what makes you entirely free, what makes you want to unplug from it all, what makes you want to get back up and do it again, and again, even when your hands are freezing and you can’t feel your face anymore and your legs are burning but yet you still feel like you are living life like never before.

Give yourself permit to have fun. I think in our society it’s almost forbidden to have fun unless you are going on a vacation. Read my post from last week and stop scheduling fun and start living fun.

Dream big and don’t be afraid of failure. What I absolutely love about snowboarders they always dream bigger; deeper snow, bigger mountains, higher jumps. They always dream big and they practice until they make it, and they are not afraid of failure. In fact – they know they will probably not make the big jump on the first try, but the practice and the journey is part of the fun and pat of the process. They don’t expect instant gratification, and the snow day isn’t actually perfect or done until you fall down or until your body aches.

GIVIN Koia Montage from Jon Francis on Vimeo.

Never give up. And especially never give up on your dream. They say that nothing worth achieving comes easy, and I believe it. When it comes to our own successes we know we got to the end result with hard work and not giving up, however when we look at other people’s successes we only tend to see the end result, and not the hard journey they went through before getting there. The above snowboarding video is a reminder to never give up and keep working hard to land your success. Only the ones who fall down, and are willing to get up and give it a new try again and again will eventually land the big jump.

What is your big dream today and what are you doing to achieve it?

The first video is a Frends edit that was intended to be in the new Givin “ONE” snowboarding movie. Frends is lifestyle brand and platform that celebrates life through music, sport and fashion. Givin is a new production company whose goal is to show the lifestyle of snowboarding and inspire people via snowboarding movies. The above video didn’t make it to the movie on time, so enjoy it online. The second video is a clip from Givin.

It suddenly came to me that this very Carnival Cruise Line commercial is exactly what’s wrong with many people.

The commercial shows a dad who “seems different” because he is dancing, having fun, joking on a vacation and not talking about work, not tugging in his shirt and not checking his messages. It all looks so much fun.

Don’t take me wrong, I want my husband to be that fun-loving guy in the commercial and I want my daughter to have the best time of her life with her family. And I absolutely want to go on that cruise because it all looks fantastic.

Then what’s wrong with the picture?

What’s wrong with the picture is that we live in a society where it’s a norm to have a sucky 9-5 job, feel comradery when we say “thank God it’s Friday” and “it feels like Monday” is a another way of saying “I’m feeling down”.

What’s wrong with the picture is that we check our messages more often than talk with the people who are right in the front of us.

What’s wrong with the picture is that we are like different people when we finally let go off the guard and are ourselves, and unfortunately not many people in our everyday lives see the real us.

What’s wrong with the picture is that people need to go on a one week vacation to get a week off their sucky jobs, tough lives and daily grind they hate to only feel like they are living life to the fullest for one week a year, if they are lucky.

Stop Scheduling Your Fun

I want you to start thinking differently. Stop scheduling your fun and stop giving yourself a permission to be bored, unhappy, busy and ignorant. I know you tolerate the unhappy you for now because you think you will have fun and relax on Friday night, during the weekend or on your vacation.

Start having more fun in your every day life. Start living fun.

We watch TV and movies, and our definition of fun is laughing for the shows and being entertained. Why not turn off the TV and start living fun? When is the last time you invited friends over, just for fun? When is the last time you tried something new and something completely ridiculous?

Bring more smiles in your everyday life. Use more humor. Laugh at yourself and make others laugh too. Do things that are plain silly, just because.

Start thinking how you can incorporate more fun into your daily life, and how you can be that fun-loving, happy, think outside the box and relaxed person you can be. It’s OK to book a cruise or a vacation and practice letting go in a different more fun environment, but bring that vacation attitude back with you to your every day life.

Maybe you just had that amazing summer vacation and now you feel like it was forever ago, and the rainy fall days are anything but the fun? Remember that the place you visited wasn’t the one that made you have fun – it was you. Your attitude of “going on a vacation to have fun”, you letting go, you relaxing, you giving yourself a permit not to worry about anything else but enjoying life. You made that vacation, that Friday night and that weekend fun.

Now make your Monday fun and carpe the shit out of diem.

Meet Evan Moss, 7-year-old Author

Evan Moss didn’t set out to write a book. After all, he’s only seven years old, but his first book My Seizure Dog got him excited and now Evan says he wants to be a famous author when he grows up. He’s already on his way, and this kid inspires us to speak up too.

Evan has suffered seizures since birth, sometimes hundreds a month. Evan and his family got a specially-trained dog from the non-profit 4 Paws for Ability organization to secure a constant companion to act not just when Evan was having an epileptic seizure — usually in the middle of the night — but sniff it out beforehand and alert others to Evan’s side. The application for the dog required Evan speak on his behalf and he did so with a hand-made, self-illustrated book, the kind he learned how to make in his first grade class.

The cost of the specially trained seizure dog, a Labradoodle, is $13,000 and the family knew they had to get creative to raise the money so they decided to publish Evan’s book. Publishing Evan’s book looked promising and the CreateSpace platform provided the family with a quick, easy and affordable way to get My Seizure Dog book out.

Little did they foresee that Evan’s story would hit a responsive chord with nearly everyone who heard Evan’s story. Within one month of the book’s publication through its availability on amazon.com and book signings at a local coffee shop in his hometown of Alexandria, VA, Evan’s $10 book drove in substantial sales and donations so the Moss family could acquire the dog Evan needed and they could help others, too.

Evan’s dog is being trained and he’ll get his new best friend — after his big sister, Aria — next July.

Help Evan to Help Others

Now that Evan has raised enough money for his own dog — and helped support the fundraising efforts of at least three other families — he wants to raise more money to help other children acquire the seizure dogs they need.
You can help! People Magazine is holding a “Readers Choice Hero” competition that awards the grand prize winner with $10,000, which Evan will put towards helping another child acquire their seizure dog. You can vote Evan by clicking the link, act now, because the voting ends on Thursday October 13th. And of course, you can purchase Evan’s book, the My Seizure Dog.

I saw this posted on Facebook by Delphine Fieberg with a great photo with it.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

“Dear people,
whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on CDs. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I’d rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: “How amazing am I ?! ”

Now, tell yourself today, you are amazing, just the way you are.

Guest post by By Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier of CoupleDumb.com.

Most people can agree on one thing, they want to be happy. However, in our society we receive so many messages and examples of being unhappy that the path to Nirvana is often blocked by ignorance and cynics. But just like a unicorn, the hope of happiness makes us seek it out for just a glimpse of bliss. Some people have figured out that happiness is attainable and not contingent on anything but you!

Here are 7 things you need to believe to stay happy:

1. Since time has been recorded, man has endured mayhem, mishap, pestilence, pain, oppression, repression, uncertainty and unease. Today is no better or worse than before. But there is one difference. You are here!

2. We understand that we choose how we feel. A person can get angry with the rain but they will still get wet. A person can fear the future and yet tomorrow comes. A person can choose to be happy in spite of everything.

3. Happy people are role models. We do not pull people up to our point of view. We show them the stairs. We do not spoon feed but we are willing to share a meal with them. Most importantly, we are beholden to our progeny to set the example of happiness.

4. You are part of society. Your choice to be happy despite your surroundings is not a call for communal living but for living in community. Happiness is a responsibility to see through the misery to find the hope.

5. Perfection is relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is not dramatically opposed to sadness, nor does it supplant any other emotion. Happiness is a companion and like every good friend, it gives us what we need as we need it. When it walks with grief, it gives us hope.

6. Happiness is an emotion. Happiness is intrinsic. Happiness feels like the awe of satisfaction. Satisfaction is not dependent on accomplishments. Happiness is the state of honoring the moment. And the next…And the next…

7. Happiness is not a compromise. Being content is a false bill of goods we were sold to keep us miserable. In a world of ‘I can’t get no…’ we are told to settle for what we have. Happiness is beyond this. It is not dependent on what we have but who we choose to be.

The most important thing to maintain your happiness is to surround yourself with like minded individuals. We need to create and maintain an atmosphere of happiness or we can be dragged down to the morass of melancholia. So, dump the victim friends and drama filled relationships. Your happiness depends on it.

By Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier

Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier are the writers of CoupleDumb.com the relationship blog that covers everything from marriage to dating to parenting. They have a book called Dysaffirmation: Because this kind of stupid takes work (Amazon). Lee is a professional psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in marriage, family and addiction therapies. Paul is a professional writer with degrees in AstroPhysics and an MBA. They have been married for 23 happy years and have three kids. Lee and Paul also do a web series and pod cast called Relationship Rehab where they take viewer/listener questions.