A moment in my life…

Today was freezing in New York. The wind was brutal, and all I wanted to do the entire day was to stay home and sit by the fireplace and drink hot tea. And most of the day I did, until I had to get out to pick up kids from school.

I felt useless and that I hadn’t accomplished as much as I had wanted to (I actually did: I booked our flights to Sweden, it’s official: we have a moving date!) and was cranky for kids too, just simply because I felt bad about myself.

What was happening to me? The feelings of happiness of moving but sadness of leaving were driving me crazy, and the lack of sleep and the long moving to-do list were getting to me. And as you can read from this post – I may be really losing it.

I felt like blogging this moment in my life – and maybe you too are inspired to do a small thing – that can be a big thing.

It’s Just Coffee

Kids were starving and tired, but we stopped at the small local grocery store on the way home.

“I’m tired.”
“I’m cold.”
“I don’t want to go to store, can’t I just have a sandwich for dinner?”

As we were walking towards the store, we noticed two young men collecting money and giving out pamphlets.

“We are from “Transforming Men to Transform the World”, it’s a Christian organization helping men to transform their lives, we help drug addicts and others to find a better lifestyle.”

Or he said something like this, all I heard was “Christian” and that they “help people to get a new lifestyle” and yadda yadda yadda. It would have been easy to walk by and hush my kids to the store, we were all freezing outside, but then I looked at one of the young men in the eyes. I could see how sincerely he wanted to help someone, and I could believe that he in fact was doing his small or big part of transforming someone’s life, and making a difference. Maybe he was just brainwashed by a Christian cult for all I could know, but I felt his sincerity.

“How long have you been standing here in the cold today?” I asked.

“Since nine o’clock on the morning” he said.

It was four o’clock on the afternoon.

“Holy crap!”

Oops, maybe “holy crap” wasn’t the right choice of the words and I’m sure I offended them and was a bad example for my kids, and yadda yadda yadda, but it slipped out of my mouth. And it really felt craptastically cold, my hands were freezing and I only walked from the warm car to the store front!

“Has anyone brought you coffee or anything else warm to drink?”

“No, but we don’t need anything, God is keeping us warm.”

As we entered the store, I could have easily brushed off that conversation of my mind, but it made me think.

How come someone can have such a strong belief that he feels warm inside even in the freezing weather?

Was it God really doing it? But if God was doing it – why in the world didn’t He control the weather a bit better today for those poor guys standing outside? What was God trying to tell them? Test their faith? Well, I think I’d say they passed it.

Then I had a thought – maybe God was trying to send me a message, maybe I should be the one taking those men hot coffee. Maybe I should do more what I know is the right thing to do, and what I deep in my heart want to do.

The kids and I talked about the men trying to help others, and how cold they must be outside, and after leaving the store, we all wanted to get them coffee. We left our car in the parking lot and walked to a close by bakery coffee shop. We could have driven, but I don’t think we would have felt the same way. I wanted to feel the cold wind on my cheeks, and on the kids’ cheeks, and I wanted us to feel the contrast of the warmth of the coffee as we carried them back to the grocery store parking lot.

As soon as we entered the parking lot and the young men saw us, my daughter had this biggest smile on her face.
She was so happy and so proud what we had just done.

It was just coffee and fresh croissants, but I hope it felt much more for the young men receiving them, because it felt much more to us.

“Thank you so much, you didn’t have to do this,” he said.

“I didn’t do it. This is how God is keeping you warm,” I said.

Tell your story – how are you helping people around you? If you have blogged about it, please leave a link!

Did you notice..? I took a little unannounced blogging break. I think you took a little break too and spent some time with family.

Truth to be told, this entire beginning of the winter has been sort of crazy, ever since we found out we are moving to Sweden, and I have been trying to do even more things at the same time as usual. I have been been busy getting rid of everything we own, packing and rethinking my work life as I know it. Some of it has been easy, some of it not so much. The worst part is probably the things that are still open – we don’t have a moving date yet, and it makes it very difficult to plan and do things.

One good thing is already certain – I can keep working virtually in the US while living in Sweden. Go figure, USA is one of the only countries in the world that will tax its citizens even if they live outside the country, and they can keep working even if they don’t reside in the country anymore. This information was a huge relief for me – my work will not be as affected as I thought it would be, and I am ready for all virtual opportunities 2012 may bring.

(Picture taken in Stockholm when I visited there last time in 2010).

Sweden, we are ready for you, I hope Sweden will be ready for us soon too.

All of our children will have Finnish citizenship, so it hopefully will make our life in Europe easier. It has taken numerous hours of work and many hundred dollar bills to make all of the paperwork happen, and we are still waiting for one renewed passport to arrive and one more citizenship to be confirmed and we are all set. You never remember how much paperwork is needed when you move out of the country, and what all things should be considered. Also, it doesn’t make it easier that we are now dealing with both American and Finnish officials – and we have barely started our paperwork with the Swedish yet – that will come after we move in the country.

So pardon me – the Skimbaco journey has been and probably will continue to be on and off as our family of five is trying to make this move from New York to Stockholm. But this is what Skimbaco Lifestyle is all about – living in the moment, and exploring world, one place at the time.

A moment in my life..

A new door opened in my life, totally unexpected.

And while it sounds like this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, this type of things are sort of typical in my life. Things like this happen when you pick the perfect man to share your life with, who completely gets who you are. Who wants to explore this life and world together.

These kind of things happen when you are open to possibilities, think anything is possible, and work hard to make even impossible things happen.

These kind of things happen when you live skimbaco lifestyle.

The phone call…

I was sitting in the train going to New York City and reading the latest edition of Fast Company, and enjoying my moment of non-connectivity with my phone on silent. But you know how it is – we social media folks can go only so long (like 20 minutes) without our technology soul mates, and I had to check my phone.

6 missed calls from my husband.
And a text message “Can you talk? Please! Very important!!!”

Six calls, three explanation marks, and my heart sinks, this has to be important, my husband would not do this for nothing.

I’m waiting my phone to dial my husband’s number and my mind is racing.
Is it the kids, did something happen? Where am I? When is the next stop if I need to get out of the train and go back home?

He answers on the first ring.

“Just tell me, is something wrong? What’s going on?” I say not giving him a chance to speak.

“Are you sitting down?” he asks.

I’m thinking well, what the heck do you think, I’m in the train, but realize this might not be the time to be sarcastic.

“Yes, please just tell” because my head might explode if I don’t know immediately.

“Well, I was offered a job. In a different country. Guess where.”

Um, what? And no more these games, just blurt the heck out what you have to say because I can’t take this excitement anymore.

“No idea, just say, come on, just tell me what happened” I say a plead in my voice.

“My boss just called and he offered me a position in Sweden” and he goes into details what the job would be, and “do you wanna move to Sweden?”

I can’t help it but tears start falling down my cheeks.
Relief, excitement, joy.
Scared, stressed, emotional.
I brush my tears off and say the same words I have said to the man I love, and to the life I love so many times before.. “I do.”

Now might be a good time to subscribe to my blog via email to continue reading what happens next in our journey of living Skimbaco Lifestyle.

As a child, I was always told that if I work hard I could have a lot of money then I could be happy. It’s a simple proposition to life. If you do your work then you will have the money then you will be happy. What we find as we get older is that we work really hard, make a little money and then keep working for more. When do you get to be happy? When is it enough?

The truth is that we have been doing it backwards. This concept is discussed in Conversations with God and The Law of Attraction. Our reality is that work begets more work. Stress creates more stress. And, the ever elusive happiness is this distant shimmering goal we never quite reach. Even our language is predisposed to Do, Have, Be. We say things like pursuing happiness when happiness is not asking us to chase it. In Conversations with God, God says, “All states of mind reproduce themselves.” Working hard is not a state of mind of happiness but a feeling that you do not have enough. This is not to say that working hard is a bad thing but you always need to be mindful of the feelings fueling the work.

Our society is even scheduled with do, have and be. We are expected to work hard all our lives and have money saved up and then, when retired, we can be happy and relaxed. Being happy is not a realistic expectation for youth and is only reserved for those who are old and have done all they could. We even teach our children that they must behave to have their toys and then they can be happy. It’s insidious.

This is what we propose: Be happy. Do the things that happy people do. Have a wonderfully happy life.

Life is too short to be miserable at a job or waiting for retirement to be happy. It’s when we begin with the happiness that we continue to generate happiness. Therefore, feel good! BE HAPPY, NOW!

Guest post by Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier. Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier are the writers of CoupleDumb.com the relationship blog that covers everything from marriage to dating to parenting. They have a book called Dysaffirmations: Because This Kind Of Stupid Takes Work!. Lee is a professional psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in marriage, family and addiction therapies. Paul is a professional writer with degrees in AstroPhysics and an MBA. They have been married for 23 happy years and have three kids. Lee and Paul also do a web series and pod cast called Relationship Rehab where they take viewer/listener questions.

I’ve already seen a few snowy pictures from Colorado and my friends at Park City Mountain Resort are gearing up for the November 19th opening day. It’s starting to feel like ski season, and it’s definitely time to gear up and get ready if you are a skier like me.

But even if skiing or snowboarding isn’t for you… Please take time to watch these fun videos and get inspiration from these snowboarders how to live life to the fullest and read what we can learn from snowboarders.

Have Fun & Love What You Do Do What You Love

Are you one of those people who love saying TGIF on every single Friday?
Wait for the weekend and for a break?
Or are you one of those people who are excited it’s Monday and your week is starting?
Are you spending more time “working” or “having fun”?

Find your snowboarding. Find what makes you entirely free, what makes you want to unplug from it all, what makes you want to get back up and do it again, and again, even when your hands are freezing and you can’t feel your face anymore and your legs are burning but yet you still feel like you are living life like never before.

Give yourself permit to have fun. I think in our society it’s almost forbidden to have fun unless you are going on a vacation. Read my post from last week and stop scheduling fun and start living fun.

Dream big and don’t be afraid of failure. What I absolutely love about snowboarders they always dream bigger; deeper snow, bigger mountains, higher jumps. They always dream big and they practice until they make it, and they are not afraid of failure. In fact – they know they will probably not make the big jump on the first try, but the practice and the journey is part of the fun and pat of the process. They don’t expect instant gratification, and the snow day isn’t actually perfect or done until you fall down or until your body aches.

GIVIN Koia Montage from Jon Francis on Vimeo.

Never give up. And especially never give up on your dream. They say that nothing worth achieving comes easy, and I believe it. When it comes to our own successes we know we got to the end result with hard work and not giving up, however when we look at other people’s successes we only tend to see the end result, and not the hard journey they went through before getting there. The above snowboarding video is a reminder to never give up and keep working hard to land your success. Only the ones who fall down, and are willing to get up and give it a new try again and again will eventually land the big jump.

What is your big dream today and what are you doing to achieve it?

The first video is a Frends edit that was intended to be in the new Givin “ONE” snowboarding movie. Frends is lifestyle brand and platform that celebrates life through music, sport and fashion. Givin is a new production company whose goal is to show the lifestyle of snowboarding and inspire people via snowboarding movies. The above video didn’t make it to the movie on time, so enjoy it online. The second video is a clip from Givin.

Today’s Gracious Me column is written by fabulous guest writer Lisa M Frame of A Daily Pinch and Mommyality.

Friendship has many different meanings to people. When I make a true friend, they are for life. I don’t discard friends, instead I treasure them as a precious jewel. Unfortunately, no matter how much you treasure your friends, it doesn’t mean they hold you in the same regard. It’s been a hard lesson to learn and one I’ve experienced recently.

It’s painful and leaves your heart as broken as if you had lost a lover. It’s hard to think about losing people so close to you, knowing they are out there and not part of your life. They might not even tell you they are leaving you. Just one day, they stop being there, leaving you alone. The phone doesn’t ring. The text messages stop. Sure, you get a one off email that says “I Love You” and they are thinking about you, but in your gut, you know.

That’s why I’m sharing this quote with you. I read this and took it to heart so much, I saved it on my computer as wallpaper. It’s a reminder of what being a friend means to me, as well as what I don’t want in friendships going forward.

However, I do know what I want to do going forward with my friendships:

I want to love my friends knowing they aren’t perfect. They have their own faults and flaws and I choose not to judge, but accept.

I want to set a good example not only for my son, but for my current friends and acquaintances.

I’m going to set boundaries. Sometimes, being a good friend is about saying no as much as it’s about saying yes. If my friends respect me, they will respect my boundaries.

I will disagree with my friends. Instead of worrying about their feelings, I will trust they respect my opinion enough to accept what I offer openly.

I will be graceful and find grace in the situation. Even if they end the friendship, I will not back away from my core values as a person to air negativity.

I will keep some things sacred and for me only. It’s better for everyone.

I will not put my friends on a pedestal.

I will communicate. When in doubt? I will ask.

I will respect my friends. If I wouldn’t want something done or said, would my friends?

I’ll minimize. If they have a hard time following my personal guidelines, then I will have to minimize face to face time. However, I wont’ walk away from them. I’ll explain why. Wouldn’t it be great if we could plug back in to energize? But, friendships don’t work that way. We have to have time away to charge our own batteries, so we don’t drain others.

Research has shown that a persons overall happiness can be directly correlated to successful relationships. It increases with based on their ability to have a strong relationship with other people. Which is something I agree with 100 percent.

What will you do to make your friendships stronger, yet have your boundaries respected?

Guest post by Lisa M Frame. Lisa M Frame is a over-achieving, under-organized Southern-Gal. Blogging since 2002, Lisa has developed a solid community on her sites A Daily Pinch and a
Mommyality. As a freelance writer and professional blogger Lisa has written on assignment for The Savvy Source, MomLogic, Intel’s My Life Scoop, and has been quoted by Forbes Woman and Parent Central Canada. She was part of the groundbreaking #Tweeta20 featured in the Chronicle of Philanthropy for social media fundraising, and is a featured blogger for Picaboo.com

Guest post by By Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier of CoupleDumb.com.

Most people can agree on one thing, they want to be happy. However, in our society we receive so many messages and examples of being unhappy that the path to Nirvana is often blocked by ignorance and cynics. But just like a unicorn, the hope of happiness makes us seek it out for just a glimpse of bliss. Some people have figured out that happiness is attainable and not contingent on anything but you!

Here are 7 things you need to believe to stay happy:

1. Since time has been recorded, man has endured mayhem, mishap, pestilence, pain, oppression, repression, uncertainty and unease. Today is no better or worse than before. But there is one difference. You are here!

2. We understand that we choose how we feel. A person can get angry with the rain but they will still get wet. A person can fear the future and yet tomorrow comes. A person can choose to be happy in spite of everything.

3. Happy people are role models. We do not pull people up to our point of view. We show them the stairs. We do not spoon feed but we are willing to share a meal with them. Most importantly, we are beholden to our progeny to set the example of happiness.

4. You are part of society. Your choice to be happy despite your surroundings is not a call for communal living but for living in community. Happiness is a responsibility to see through the misery to find the hope.

5. Perfection is relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is not dramatically opposed to sadness, nor does it supplant any other emotion. Happiness is a companion and like every good friend, it gives us what we need as we need it. When it walks with grief, it gives us hope.

6. Happiness is an emotion. Happiness is intrinsic. Happiness feels like the awe of satisfaction. Satisfaction is not dependent on accomplishments. Happiness is the state of honoring the moment. And the next…And the next…

7. Happiness is not a compromise. Being content is a false bill of goods we were sold to keep us miserable. In a world of ‘I can’t get no…’ we are told to settle for what we have. Happiness is beyond this. It is not dependent on what we have but who we choose to be.

The most important thing to maintain your happiness is to surround yourself with like minded individuals. We need to create and maintain an atmosphere of happiness or we can be dragged down to the morass of melancholia. So, dump the victim friends and drama filled relationships. Your happiness depends on it.

By Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier

Lee and Paul Reyes-Fournier are the writers of CoupleDumb.com the relationship blog that covers everything from marriage to dating to parenting. They have a book called Dysaffirmation: Because this kind of stupid takes work (Amazon). Lee is a professional psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in marriage, family and addiction therapies. Paul is a professional writer with degrees in AstroPhysics and an MBA. They have been married for 23 happy years and have three kids. Lee and Paul also do a web series and pod cast called Relationship Rehab where they take viewer/listener questions.

Are you a game person? Me, not so much. However, I married into a game playing family and have learned to embrace “game night,” rather than looking busy with the dishes. What I’ve learned about the world of game playing is that there is a game about everything and for everyone. Some games mimic life while others take us to far off places.

There is one game in particular that intrigues me, one that can be played both around the dining room table and the real world.

The name of the game? Risk.

So often this game knocks on my office door. Not the board game, but the opportunity. Sometimes it’s a simple task that moves me barely outside of my comfort zone and other time feels more like a cross between Twister and Battleship. As TS Eliot said, “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

When we take risks we push ourselves, sometimes to what feels like the brink. At that point we are able to see our strengths and weaknesses. With risk comes reward and side effects… side effects that can read like that of a prescription drug bottle: may cause nausea, sleep deprivation, mood swings and a desire to eat everything in sight. No matter, at the end of it all we are always better to have taken the leap. When risk presents itself to you, do you shy away afraid of what might happen? Or, do you embrace it to see what you might learn and say “Game ON!”

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”

Sometimes we don’t think about just how powerful our minds really are. Our mind really is the number one tool to enjoying a gracious life. If we see life as empty, we will be empty. If we see life as a journey, full of opportunity– even if the opportunity isn’t ideal–we will have endless opportunities.

Although it’s not always easy… what do you do to keep a Half Full perspective?

Who can forget Oprah’s big car giveaway?
“You get a car! And you get a car! And you get a car!” …one of the most famous moments on modern television. How fun would it be to be able to do that? Give something to someone when they need it most?

How often do we do this with our time?

“Yes to you! Yes to you! And yes to you!”
It feels amazing to say yes; that is, until our time is stretched too thin, our projects are halfway completed, and our children are being raised by Nick Jr.

We’ve all experienced moments when our mouth says “yes!” to a new project while our mind says “Retreat! Retreat!” Although it is good manners to help others, is it really polite to say “yes” when we know we shouldn’t? With work, community, family and friends pulling us in so many directions, it’s easy to over-commit. Yes, it’s great to be involved, to give back and lend a hand. But sometimes when we’ve overused “yes,” we put ourselves in a place that jeopardizes our gracious best. Suddenly the spirit behind wanting to help has been replaced by the feeling of being overwhelmed.

In my personal and professional experience, I’ve found it’s quite difficult for overwhelmed and gracious to cohabitate. I’ve even tried it…for research, of course.

There was a period of time when I found myself involved in five different non-profits, a start-up company, two small children and a marriage I needed to nurture. Nothing could be put on the back burner and I found myself not doing anything well. I had to stop, reevaluate, prioritize and use a word I’d never tried: “No.” You know what? It felt really good.

Art Of Saying No

So let’s have a heart to heart with our serial “yes”-sayer.

Look at each “opportunity” and where it will put you on the scale of gracious to overwhelmed. Ask yourself… is “yes” the best answer, or should it be replaced with…say these things with me:

* “As much as I’d love to commit to this cause, now isn’t a good time, but please think of me again.”
* “Thank you for thinking of me; I’m not able to volunteer this year.”
* “I’m already working on the signs for the carnival so I shouldn’t take on another task. However, I’ve heard Jane Smith wants to get involved.”

Knowing yourself and your limits is key to living your gracious best.
Do you find yourself saying “yes” with your mouth but “no” with your mind? What phrases do you use to graciously decline an offer? Please share.