Carpe or not to carpe
A friend of mine shared with me a blog post, what she called “anti-Katja” (or anti-skimbaco) post written by Glennon of Momastery titled “2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem”, and I agree, the entire thought of trying not to seize the day just doesn’t go well with me.
In Glennon’s post she is annoyed by those older women who come to us in the grocery store and look at us with our herd of children and say annoying things like “enjoy every moment of it,” and how time goes so fast, and how wonderful the time was when her kids were young.
Every moment can’t be a happy moment
And I get it.
We do feel like punching that older lady in the face, because it’s past dinner time, and we are just now trying to scramble some dinner fixings from the store, the kids’ homework isn’t done, and one of them is feeling sick and will most likely throw up in the car before we make it back home.
And I’m supposed to what…? Enjoy every moment of this..? Carpe diem?
I get the annoyance, and I get that life is hard and every moment can’t be a happy moment.
But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to seize the moment and more precisely: pay attention.
I agree with many things with the writer, especially agree with the annoyance of people who always find the silver lining in everything, and who think we should be happy perfect mothers who love every minute of mothering every minute of every day. At the same time, I’m the master of finding a silver lining in everything if I want to, but I also can’t stand those people who are standing in the biggest shit storm of their lives and keep smiling trying to tell how they actually like the smell of poop.
Why not Seize the Shit?
There is absolutely nothing wrong about seizing the moment as it is when things are not perfect, and I think this is the biggest misconception people have.
Misconception of trying to be happy and perfect all the time.
Misconception that happy life doesn’t include any pain.
Misconception of not seizing the misfortunes or pain of life.
The writer looks for good fleeting happy moments in life what she calls “Kairos time,” happy time, “those magical moments in which time stands still.” You know those moments, moments of short bliss, which we can’t even remember what they were on the end of the day, but we can happily put our heads on our pillows and be thankful for life and that we had those blissful moments in our day. The rest of her life she calls “Chronos” and describes it as the regular time, “the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.”
Seize some Skimbaco Time
I believe we are able to find an additional time in our life, called Skimbaco.
Not your regular time of nothing special is going on, and not your moment of fleeing bliss, but a time when you take control of your life, and you seize the moment as what it is, good or bad.
It is deciding that you enjoy what ever life has given you for that moment, taking it in and living in the moment.
It is learning from that moment how you can grow as a person, how you can use this moment as a future reference for something even better.
It is living life to the fullest.
Take a mental picture of the good time in life to keep it going that way – or to remember it later.
You will not just have a short moment of bliss, but a mental rush, and happiness of truly enjoying life as it is.
Take a mental picture and notes from the bad time in your life to learn from it, to remember it when you are living your “Chronos” time to appreciate the everyday grind more, to motivate you to make the boring extraordinary, to give you a sense of accomplishment once you have gone through the tough time.
The only way to live Skimbaco lifestyle is to seize the days of your life, not to let the daily routine, not-that-happy life to become “this is what it is and I’m supposed to enjoy every minute of it”, but to guide you to build a life(style) that you truly feel you are living life to the fullest. I know that sometimes when things are tough, illusion is needed, and silver lining might be the only thing we have, but if we let the silver linings of life become the new bliss, we are making the biggest injustice to ourselves – we are denying ultimate happiness and we are denying Skimbaco, living life to the fullest, from ourselves.
Don’t Settle for Silver Lining
I grew up in a home where I was taught to always look for the silver lining. When my leg was broken and I couldn’t walk, I was encouraged to be happy that it was only temporary, at least I could one day walk again. I was always taught to look at the bright side.
And I do, don’t take me wrong, I still do. But it took me a long time to realize that there is no shame that shit happens in life, and that we should hold our heads high even when that happens and seize it, not try to hide it by always finding a silver lining. I‘m afraid I’d eventually settle for unhappy life, just because I was able to find enough many silver linings in it. I much rather have difficulties in life so I can learn from them, and that I will constantly move towards better life balance of more Skimbaco in my life, and finding what my Skimbaco could look like and how it evolves with me.
To me living in a constant “chronos” ending every day with a thought “I made it through” and only finding a few moments of bliss would be settling. I will not settle for “finding a silver lining” in everyday, I rather dwell in the shittiest moments of my life until they force me to change my life in a way that moments of bliss have turned into living life to the fullest every day. It’s not easy, nor fast, and you have to have guts to seize the worst of life to truly appreciate the better times, and really know why you work hard not to live in a routine but you want to make your life extraordinary. Thus I feel like carpeing the shit out of diem isn’t for sissies. You need guts to go through hell in life and seize every minute of it. I think that’s part of growing as a human and part of finding what living life to the fullest means to you.